I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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