Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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