so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i came on her dog
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
