I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
