Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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