youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
