I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
