Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
