I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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