ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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