I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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