I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
