i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
