Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
