Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
