Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
