I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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