Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
