come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it glows. i had to have it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
