dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a search helicopter?!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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