update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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