i need an iv and a liver transplant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
