At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
