I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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