Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
