well I can't set my house on fire every night
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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