what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
