i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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