at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
