Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
