You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
