Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
