Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
