The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
