I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
