I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
