Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
did i just pee glitter
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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