I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
