i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
