I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
