stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
