In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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