Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
