Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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