I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
