I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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