Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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