I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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