He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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