her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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