sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
