I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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