Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
