haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
