At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
