i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
