We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
