Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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