The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
