It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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