In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
