So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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