The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
